Thursday, May 21

I'm not gonna lie

This has been a super hard week. And I think that it is good to be honest about my struggles as much as I am honest about my blessings. God has given me grace - much grace - this week, but I am still struggling. I'm sure that most of you have had weeks like that.

The boys have been taking turns waking up in the night, but Evan hasn't slept well in over a month. First it was teething, and he was waking up every hour and a half. Now he's still waking up 2-3 times. It is definitely worth it - I wouldn't give my boys up for the world - but at the same time, I am really not that fun to be around when I haven't gotten sleep. I know that I am getting run down, and it feels like sickness is once again poised and ready to strike.

At the end of last week, Aaron decided he was going to push his boundaries in EVERY area. Since then we have been working on several issues that we thought he had learned - especially listening & obeying. I am exhausted from the energy it takes to be consistent with my little boy.

Yesterday, it seemed like every.single.thing. was going contrary to plan. I don't think that it would benefit anyone for me to hash out the details, but suffice it to say that I was put through the wringer yesterday at just about every turn, and the day ended in tears. Many uncontrollable tears - the kind that just roll down your face no matter how many happy thoughts you think.

Despite all these things, despite the fact that it is 8 am on a Thursday and I just want bedtime to be here already, despite the struggles and the early wake times and the unregenerate actions of my oldest little pagan, despite the tears and the feelings of exhaustion and inadequacy and all that I've left out, God is still GOOD.

He is GOOD, all the time. He is holding me up, He is reminding me of His Word. He knows just what I can handle, He offers His grace. He even gives me a bonus - a laugh at the kids, a smile when I don't think I can. He loves me infinitely more than I think is possible.

11 comments:

dan and cheryl forbes said...

I am praying for you. Dad

Rachel said...

Oh, Jenny. I know what you are saying and I have been there and still end up there sometimes;). I am blessed by your post. God IS good even when I am most undeserving of it. Did you happen to see/hear the video/audio of Rachel Barkey's testimony on girltalk last week? If not, I know that it would bless and encourage you greatly;). I'll be praying for you today.

laura.railing said...

I'm praying for you. Life is hard with kids! It can feel so overwhelming but it is also so rewarding too! Don't forget the things you just posted and remember that sometimes, it's not the worst thing to let them cry in their room an extra 5 minutes if you need to catch your sanity.

Karis said...

So been there and oh so recently -- sickness has hit the girls this last week. Lack of sleep makes it harder for me to choose consistency with them as well as choosing to show the fruit of the Spirit. I've had to ask Kayla to forgive me twice this week -- and that brings even more tears than come just from being tired and overwhelmed. Good for you to remind yourself through your writings wonderful things to meditate on today.

Rosemary said...

It sounds like Mommy Muth needs a night off (or at least an afternoon)!! When my daughter's kids were the age of your's, we had a regular once-a-month Grandparent Time scheduled when we tooks the kids to our house to give their parents a break. They knew that on that weekend they would have some quiet time and it gave them something to look forward to when they were at the end of their rope. And believe me, at the end of our 'Grandparent Time', Gramma and Gramps were ready for some quiet time!!! But looking back, we wouldn't have traded those weekends when we got our 'Grandbaby fix' for anything in the world. And the kids loved spending time with us back then too!... but they are big now - and we are REALLY boring!! bummer!
Just an idea ...
Hang in there!

Rachel said...

Hang in there lady! You are not alone. Not only does he love us "infinitely more than we think is possible" He will "never leave us nor forsake us" You are in the right spot. Dwell on his words. Thanks for telling the hard truth :)

Kelly Glupker said...

You are such a good writer and always so encouraging to me, even in the midst of a hard week. Thank you for your honesty. You are certainly not alone. I'm already a little worried about what it's going to be like with having two kids in my small home while I still work. I'm sure I'll REALLY need the encouragment then!

Kara said...

Boys are so difficult. Pushing every button, I know all about it. Praying for a better day for you tomorrow.

Karen said...

'tis the season, I guess, for pushing the limits. Livvie gave me a vvvvvery rough couple weeks as well. Praise God for the strength to be consistent, though--it seems the worst (for now) is over.

Praying for you today! Do the best you can to amp up the immune system & get rest!

Diana said...

As I read this, the tears started flowing and your "truths" struck a cord with me as it did for other mommies. I started out April with Ava having a cold, couldn't get enough rest with working and getting up every night with Ava so I had a sore throat every day all day for the whole month and ended the month with Ava and I both having a cold. I miss taking naps with my little darling. How about if you praise God that you get a few minutes to nap here and there, and I will praise God that my child isn't two yet. ;) Thanks for being such a blessing to me today!

Tim and Richelle said...

:'-(

hoping, praying and trusting that He has you in His hands... and that you clearly sense it to be so.

sorry for the challenging time, but also thankful for what God is doing in you.