This has been a super hard week. And I think that it is good to be honest about my struggles as much as I am honest about my blessings. God has given me grace - much grace - this week, but I am still struggling. I'm sure that most of you have had weeks like that.
The boys have been taking turns waking up in the night, but Evan hasn't slept well in over a month. First it was teething, and he was waking up every hour and a half. Now he's still waking up 2-3 times. It is definitely worth it - I wouldn't give my boys up for the world - but at the same time, I am really not that fun to be around when I haven't gotten sleep. I know that I am getting run down, and it feels like sickness is once again poised and ready to strike.
At the end of last week, Aaron decided he was going to push his boundaries in EVERY area. Since then we have been working on several issues that we thought he had learned - especially listening & obeying. I am exhausted from the energy it takes to be consistent with my little boy.
Yesterday, it seemed like every.single.thing. was going contrary to plan. I don't think that it would benefit anyone for me to hash out the details, but suffice it to say that I was put through the wringer yesterday at just about every turn, and the day ended in tears. Many uncontrollable tears - the kind that just roll down your face no matter how many happy thoughts you think.
Despite all these things, despite the fact that it is 8 am on a Thursday and I just want bedtime to be here already, despite the struggles and the early wake times and the unregenerate actions of my oldest little pagan, despite the tears and the feelings of exhaustion and inadequacy and all that I've left out, God is still GOOD.
He is GOOD, all the time. He is holding me up, He is reminding me of His Word. He knows just what I can handle, He offers His grace. He even gives me a bonus - a laugh at the kids, a smile when I don't think I can. He loves me infinitely more than I think is possible.