Friday, January 15

who are we, if not honest

God brought me to a breaking point the other night - I could not sleep and was feeling all manners of miserable. I always do better to write down my thoughts, and so I did. I was originally NOT going to share it here, on a public forum, but what are we, if not honest with each other about our struggles? I certainly could use the accountability! For me, God used this exercise to bring me back to what I know to be true about Him.

of Repentance
There is no one here but You, and me.
I type with my eyes shut, tightly, and feel so very alone.
Cursed feelings. Blessed feelings.
My thoughts swirl violently, I am wide awake this night.
I’ve been doing it again – clinging to the illusion of control,
Feeling overwhelmed
Disconnected
Forgotten
Unappreciated
Irritated and Irritable
Making excuses for myself, blaming circumstances, taking liberties with my time.
Angry
Impatient
Thinking more of others’ opinions than Yours.
Selfish and self-seeking
Dishonest
Full of pride
Despite these sins, my self-pitying sins
You are still here, still loving me, the same reprobate I’ve always been.
Still You are here, with Your open arms, Your Words of love
You have already forgiven me, already picked me up.
You will never leave,
And Your love never changed.
Not once did it falter, as my steps do – and if I’m really honest, as my love for You does.
You have drawn me back again. I am forever Yours; able, yet unable to resist Your gracious care.
Oh, Father God, I groan without words.
Your Spirit breathes meaning into my tearful nonsense.
Your Son intercedes on my behalf.
I am already whole.

5 comments:

Karen said...

Thank you for your post. The Lord has been dealing lately with me also, in far too many of these same struggles.

Amanda Irene said...

yes! I am already whole! I am I am I am!!! I posted a maybe much to revealing post about money and my habits the other day. We can learn so much from each other!

Shelley said...

I use to cry and write letters to the Lord a lot especially as a young mom struggling to get through the day.

Then I would pray and read.

It really helped me out a lot.

I don't write as much as I use to, but I still talk the Lord through out the day while I'm working.

I thank the Lord for you and the sacrifices you give to your family, they may not be able to always express it now. But you can have the peace of mind you are investing in the Kingdom by giving your best for the future of God's love in this world.

Being a mom is a gift of sacrifice and love.

Your a wonderful wife and mother and have a passion for the Lord and I admire that greatly.

I pray God will bring you joy and peace today.
Love, Shelley

The Two of Us said...

Jenny,

Thank you for sharing. It seems God is working on many of us lately.

Stephens said...

I love you, Jenny! Thank you for your transparency. I'm praying for you, as well as evaluating my own struggles and need to go before God. I hope you have a wonderful new week ahead.