Ever have an experience that sort of re-awakens you to your walk of faith? Or makes you ask questions you haven't asked in years? Sometimes I welcome these questions, and other times the questions cause a reaction I'm not prepared for - fear and doubt.
For the last month or so, I have been confronted with situations or by people and events that at first discourage and weigh me down. These situations force me to ask questions, to seek the truth of God's Word and be honest with what I find – and anything that leads me to God's Word is definitely not a bad thing. Slowly, studying the truth of God's Word answers my questions, soothes my doubts, and gives me peace.
I've always been a person who asked questions. Sometimes this gets me into trouble. I'm seeing this pattern repeated in my oldest son - "Mommy, why is that man's belly so BIG?" But asking questions has also helped me learn. Along the way, I had somehow quit asking so many questions, and consequently, the learning process had slowed significantly. Now I'm being forced to re-examine some things I accepted without question, or issues I thought already had a final conclusion. Sometimes I end up in the same place, but more well-grounded. Other times? Different conclusions.
A surprising side effect of this study process has been an increased thankfulness for my spiritual leaders, pastors, and teachers who encourage me to ask questions, to go to the Bible to find the answers. These kinds of leaders have nothing to lose by my being a student. They encourage me to search out even their sermons and lessons to make sure they ARE the truth. I'm thankful - increasingly so - for my pastors, who want God to be glorified and are encouraged when I grow in my understanding of God's Word.
So, the answers to my questions are constantly taking on different nuances. The truth of God's Word is a constant, unchanging rock – but as I grow spiritually, in tiny increments, my understanding of who God is, what He has done for me, His awesome grace, and what I'm supposed to do - these are the things in which I am constantly "evolving" - I'm being transformed, as my mind is renewed (Romans 12).
This is exciting, this fresh growth. I can't contain how I'm feeling - giddy! And yet, here, on this blog, I have been silent. Sorry for that - I did not want to come across the wrong way - I know that, aside from His grace, it would not be happening. Those fears, that doubt, those nagging questions? The heaviness of spirit? Replaced with joy! He has turned my mourning into dancing (Ps 30:11-12)!