I used to be articulate. I used to be able to keep a to do list in my head, and not forget. I used to be well read and up on current events. I used to polish my shoes on a weekly basis, and never, ever missed a shower. I used to be able to remember the names of the authors of great literary works. I used to read more than the nutrition panels on boxes of breakfast cereal. And I used to know right and left without looking down to see which hand my wedding band is on.
Then, I had children. And I realize how much sleep is worth. It's value is pure gold. Platinum. More. And I'm realizing that I wasn't really ever that creative or clever. It was simply that I was gluttonously imbibing in hours upon hours of uninterrupted sleep.
When Aaron was about 18 months, I got the hang of our new normal, finally, and was almost back to my rested self...only to get pregnant again. Now, with two children, I wonder what I was fussing about with one. And I'm sure mothers of three and five and seven look at me and my crazy hair and wrinkled pants and sigh disparagingly.
Well, I reason, today is different. It must be this sinus pressure that is causing all the confusion, all the sleepiness. Ha. ha. ha. Who am I kidding?
I don't really mind this loss of mental acuity. But I would be in denial to not confess that I do hope my articulate self will one day return. I definitely wouldn't trade my kids for anything, and I would rather be here with them than anywhere else.
And, I'm still trying to learn things, even though I'm not so good at remembering. Today, as it has been for weeks, my prayer is simply this:
"Lord, help me to seek You as diligently as I seek sleep!"